A Household Begins with Rest
This is the first part of Chapter 2 in the unfinished Book: The Ruling Household.
Here are links to The Intro and Chapter 1.
Chapter 2: Adam & Eve - Co-Founders of the First Household
“Thus the heavens and the earth were finished, and all the host of them. And on the seventh day God finished his work that he had done, and he rested on the seventh day from all his work that he had done. So God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it God rested from all his work that he had done in creation.” (Genesis 2:1-3 ESV)
A Household Begins with Rest
As we begin our Sabbath each Friday night a question I frequently ask our kids is, “What was the first thing God directed humanity to do after creating them on the sixth day?”
The answer: “He commanded them to rest.”
“And what does that teach us?” I ask next.
“That we don’t rest from work, we work from rest.”
This is the embodiment of the Gospel. Throughout the New Testament we’re taught to have faith, to trust, not in our work, but in the work Jesus has already done for us. But how do we learn that? The answer is simple. Once a week we stop working and we rest. We put the full weight of our trust, not in our work but in his work.
This changes the way we work. Our work is not done in a desperate attempt to justify our existence or in fear that we’ll never have enough, never be enough. Our work is done out of gratitude for what has already been done for us.
What does this have to do with building a household?
Everything!
I’m often asked what is the one thing a family can do from being a group of individuals to becoming a multigenerational team. My answer is always to simply rest. Rest together. Build the skill of the Sabbath. This roots your family in the Gospel and in the family at the same time.
And so it’s no surprise that after God creates the first family he rests with his creation.
He sits back like a master artist and enjoys the beauty of what has been made.
Within the Protestant tradition, the history of Sabbath keeping has often not been a powerful tool for family building. If you ask most children who grew up keeping the Sabbath they will often describe that day as their least favorite day of the week. It was the day when they heard the word, “No!” more than any other. It was a day of sheer boredom. And since the Sabbath is a kind of rehearsal for entering into God’s eternal rest it’s not surprising that many children of this strict observance find it difficult to look forward to the fullness of Christ’s coming Kingdom.
There are simple ways to overcome this deficient practice and here we’re going to describe the first tool in building a household: The Skill of Sabbath Keeping.
Tool: The Skill of the Sabbath Kickoff
“And when your children ask you, ‘What does this ceremony mean to you?’ then tell them…” (Exodus 12:26-27 NIV)
If you want to build a healthy household rooted in the Gospel, keep the Sabbath.
If you want to build a multigenerational family, kickoff every Sabbath with a special family meal.
And if you develop the skill of this meal you will not be able to stop a multigenerational family from emerging naturally from your house.
The problem is, most Western Christian fathers have never been trained in the skill of leadership at the family table.
It’s not enough to take a day of rest if you don’t lead your family into the meaning of that rest through the story of the Gospel.
This is why the kickoff meal is so crucial.
A father must stand in front of his family and explain, through dialogue with his children, what the Sabbath means and why we keep it.
And keep in mind we do not keep the Sabbath out of any legal obligation (Colossians 2:16).
This is a tool in the toolbox of a family that they can choose to use or not but I’ve never found a more effective tool at constructing the kind of household God has called us to build.
Later we’ll talk about the larger topic of Sabbath keeping.
But the Sabbath kickoff meal is a tool all its own.
There are three elements that make this meal so useful.
Identity - You must help each family member inhabit their family identity. The father must feel like a father, a mother like a mother, a son like a son and a daughter like a daughter. We do this by giving each of these identities a role in the pre-dinner drama.
The father initiates. He tells the story of the Gospel and blesses his sons.
The mother blesses the sabbath, lights the candle and blesses the daughters.
The sons receive the blessing from the father.
The daughters receive the blessing from the mother.
Family Storytelling - After the food and wine are flowing and everyone is relaxed it’s time for an all table conversation. We’ve found it’s helpful to use simple prompts like:
Date prompts - Is it someone’s birthday? Tell stories about that person or things you appreciate about him or her. Keep a family calendar of dates of family members who have passed and remember them as well on their birthday. Pictures, memories and any story that helps keep the family rooted in where we’ve come from and who we are.
Seasonal prompts - Holidays and the changing of seasons are a great time to remember what life was like. If you’re fortunate enough to have a grandparent at your Sabbath table have them share what life was like for them during these seasons during their childhood. What was Christmas like, summertime, school starting, the 4th of July, the Winter. Children who hear these kinds of stories from parents and grandparents begin to get a deep sense of who we are as a family as their roots reach down into rich soil.
Circumstantial prompts - What is going on in the world? Is there an election? An international conflict? Did we just buy a new car? Did someone just break their arm? Dig into the family archive and gain wisdom from what the eldest family members can remember about these events and how they reflect on the meaning of those events now as they’ve had the benefit of the years to consider how best to think about these things.
Timelessness - Learn how to linger together. This is the main reason I like this meal being in the evening. In Genesis the day began in the evening “And there was evening and there was morning, the first day.” (Genesis 1:3 ESV) Learn to stay up late together. Play games, talk about the week, eat dessert, have fun. You’re inside the Sabbath! Enjoy it together; “call the Sabbath a delight” (Isaiah 58:13 ESV)
As you get more skilled and more consistent at kicking off the Sabbath you’ll notice a transformation beginning to happen to your family. You, your spouse, your children, and any extended family who join in the festivities will develop deep family identities. They will discover a critical aspect of who they are. And they’ll need every bit of that family identity for what’s ahead.
To Read Part 2 of Chapter 2 Click Here