Building a Social Media Friendship Funnel
Four simple steps for turning social media strangers into life-long friends
In Stephen Covey’s famed book “7 Habits of Highly Effective People” he describes the root of proactivity as coming from Habit #2 “Begin with the End in Mind”.
This is defined as, “beginning each task, or project with a clear vision of your desired direction and destination.”
If you want a particular end aim at it.
Don’t be aimless.
And there’s no more place for aimless action these days than social media.
We’re all painfully aware of this fact so the question we really need to ask is, “Is there an aim that could possibly make social media worth engaging in?”
I’ve grown skeptical that the obvious reasons for engaging in social media, (staying connected to distant acquaintances, staying informed, a means of self-expression, etc.) are worth the risk of addiction or the damage being done by these platforms.
But I’d like to throw out what for me has become social media’s greatest aim: to find and establish close friendships.
Can you really do this through social media?
I’ve now had this surprising experience multiple times: Someone will follow me on social media and a month later I’m sitting around a fire with that person sipping bourbon, smoking a cigar, and sharing deep thoughts and life experiences. How does this happen and can anyone do it?
The answer is yes.
It does, however, take a fair amount of intention but it is within reach it is in the process of redeeming the distracting black hole that social media used to represent in my life.
How is this done?
Begin with the end in mind.
Be as specific as possible.
Here’s an example: I want to sit in the mountains with a growing brotherhood of business-owning, Christ-following fathers every year.
These are the folks I’m most likely to build lasting friendships with.
Your group will look different but put your ideal aim into writing.
But before we talk tactics we need to be aware of the nature of what creates friendship.
C.S. Lewis gave the best definition I’ve ever heard when he wrote,
“Friendship arises out of mere Companionship when two or more of the companions discover that they have in common some insight or interest or even taste which the others do not share and which, till that moment, each believed to be his own unique treasure (or burden). The typical expression of opening Friendship would be something like, "What? You too? I thought I was the only one…it is then that Friendship is born. And instantly they stand together in an immense solitude.”
In C.S. Lewis’ day, the best place to find the unicorns who thought like him was to live and teach at Oxford.
Oxford was a giant C.S. Lewis friendship filter for the whole country of England and the entire English-speaking world.
He never would have found an entire group of people like the Inklings if he lived in a small town in rural Ireland.
But today we have a more powerful filter than the Oxford entrance exam in the form of social media.
Its algorithms are bent toward helping you discover one another no matter where you live.
How?
Step 1: Discovery
Find the platform and the topics that create what Lewis calls those “What? You too?” moments.
Step 2: Insightful Posts
Share and post the kind of content that resonates uniquely with that tribe of people. Do this regularly and get as many of these unicorns into your orbit as you can. Be sure to interact with those who are really leaning in both in the comments and through DMs.
Step 3: Connect Outside of the Major Platforms
OK, here’s where we need to pause and talk about a strategy that goes beyond social media using new technologies like Zoom.
I know we all got a little burned out on Zoom through the pandemic but having group conversations about unique topics with people from anywhere in the world is amazing and you’re crazy to not make those connections.
This step can be accomplished in many ways:
Discovery calls: Send a Calendly link through DM for a 30-minute conversation with someone you want to meet with.
Podcast interviews: Having a podcast strictly as an excuse to have a reason to connect with your tribe is a killer strategy.
Club Call: This can be a book club where you meet on Zoom or any other group where people can sign up for 3-6 one-hour group Zoom calls to connect with those from your tribe.
New Technology: There are a whole host of off-social media platforms growing to make this step more seamless including Discord, Volley, Facebook Groups, Clubhouse, WhatsApp, and 100+ more.
Step 4: The Meetup
Now that you’re cultivating these relationships online and through calls, design a repeating rhythm where you can get together in person. Rent an Airbnb and bring the group together. Promote the meeting on social so all the FOMO builds up and more people join over time.
Constantly improve your strategies for each of these four steps and in a few years, you’ll find yourself surrounded by a growing group of amazing new friends.
PS. There are many ways to monetize this process as well which is perfectly fair given the fact that you are doing all the hard work of building the tribe and getting everyone together which I’ll discuss more on an upcoming podcast with the same title.