Five Stops and Five Starts: A Father’s Guide to His Daughter’s Path to Marriage

For millennia, fathers guided their daughters to secure the best possible mate, knowing that their choice of husband would profoundly shape their quality of life. Through wisdom and involvement, fathers increased the likelihood of a successful match. Today, however, many fathers abandon this role, leaving their daughters to navigate the complexities of modern romance alone. In pursuit of personal interests and cloaked in the false virtue of "enlightenment," we shirk our responsibility, with disastrous consequences for our daughters.

What if fathers reclaimed their role, viewing their daughters as under their care until the day they walk them down the aisle? What if fathers and daughters worked as a team to find a worthy mate? Here are five things fathers should stop doing that compromise their daughters’ ability to find the right partner, paired with five proactive steps to ensure a better match.

1. STOP allowing exclusive dating relationships early and START encouraging your daughter to keep her options open, putting pressure on the man to demonstrate whether he’s the best option.

Exclusive relationships often mimic the commitment of marriage without its permanence, exploiting our God-given desire for covenant. These "pretend commitments" rarely endure, ending when one partner believes they’ve found a better match or decides marriage isn’t the goal. This cycle of fleeting commitments and painful breakups prepares daughters not for lasting marriage but for divorce. Instead, call out the temporary nature of dating relationships, emphasizing that any commitment is conditional until a covenant is made.

2. STOP acting like her romantic relationships are a private concern and START regularly debriefing her dates and discoveries about her romantic interests.

Dating is akin to a job interview, not a mini-marriage. As your daughter spends time with a suitor, discuss her experiences to discern whether he’s a viable candidate. These conversations help her evaluate his potential objectively. If he’s no longer a suitable match, end the relationship decisively to make room for someone with greater promise.

3. STOP assuming the only thing that matters is whether your daughter decides this is a good match and START insisting the young man spend time with you because you are vetting his fitness as a potential mate for your daughter and member of the larger family.

A young man pursuing your daughter must prove himself to you as much as to her. If you wouldn’t entrust a 20-year-old to single-handedly choose a company’s CEO, why leave your daughter to make a life-altering decision alone? Involve yourself as part of a "team" to ensure a diverse perspective and protect her future.

4. STOP categorizing the physical relationship your daughter may have with a potential mate as something between the two of them and START categorizing their physical relationship as something that concerns her future husband and that your role is to ensure a short-term interest does not steal from your daughters future husband reducing the likelihood she will attract the right man because she’s given herself to the wrong ones.

Scripture teaches that her body belongs to her future spouse, just as his belongs to her. The man she’s dating may not be that future husband, and any physical involvement risks diminishing her ability to attract the right partner. Prioritize her future marriage—a covenant far more valuable than a temporary romance—by setting clear boundaries and honoring the one she will ultimately marry.

5. STOP simply waiting for the right man to show interest in your daughter and START activating your network of friends in a search for potential high value men.

Finding a worthy mate is more challenging today than ever. Enlist trusted friends, family, and colleagues to recommend men of character and potential. Make it known that their help in securing a good match would earn your family’s lasting gratitude. By proactively seeking out candidates, you increase the likelihood of finding a man worthy of your daughter.

Fathers hold a sacred responsibility to guide their daughters toward a future marked by love, stability, and fulfillment. By abandoning outdated notions of detachment and embracing an active role in their daughters’ romantic journeys, fathers can protect them from heartbreak and equip them for lasting marriages. Through open communication, careful vetting, clear boundaries, and proactive engagement, fathers and daughters can work together to find a mate who honors God’s design for covenant. Let us reclaim this calling, walking alongside our daughters until the day we entrust them to a worthy husband, confident that we’ve done our part to secure their joy.